Power & Control
by SarcasticEmpath
Summary: It's been a few months since Raven first joined the Teen Titans. After a rather scathing remark from Beast Boy, Raven sets out to prove him and everyone else on the team wrong. But this one single night may end up proving to be more than she'd initially bargained for. Some language, but rest assured, there are no f-bombs. Take the selected genres with a grain of salt, as well.
1. Chapter 1

Guess who's been writing? If you guessed me, then congratulations, you are correct. I'd been wanting to write something like this for a while, and this particular idea kind of slapped me over the head out of nowhere.

This might be a one-shot, but it might turn into a chaptered story, as well. **I don't know yet. **I haven't made up my mind, and it's not really a matter of "Will this get reviews or not?" bullshit, it's more of a matter of how much time I have to set aside and work on this story. Because I really don't want to be one of those people who start a story and then update it a year later because I didn't have time to work on it. That wouldn't be fair to you guys, it wouldn't be fair to my story, and it's not really how I like to pace my work to begin with.

That being said, enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans or anything even remotely related to the Teen Titans.**

XXXXX

Even if one wasn't the slightest familiar with Raven and her character, anyone could assume just by watching her that downing hard liquor at a busy and noisy club on a Saturday night wasn't exactly her favorite pastime.

There were the tell-tale clues: for example, the way in which she gathered her dark sapphire-colored cloak around herself protectively, as if to ward off the loud bass pumping through the speakers, or social interaction in general; the seemingly-bored-yet-secretly-curious look in her dark eyes as they darted about the stuffy room, watching the various club patrons as they groped around each other and acted as though the intensity of the music was giving them the highest of highs, like they were in another world, another dimension where only good things happened, and tonight was the only night that mattered.

Azar, how she envied them.

Even the subtle way she tucked her short hair behind her ear blew her cover in this environment. Though she was a beautiful girl, and curvaceous at that, she was alone at her seat at the bar, so the action served no obvious purpose in flirtation. The habit, therefore, simply indicated that she was nervous, which also would allude to the possibility of her being a naturally shy individual, as well.

So what was a girl like her doing in a place like this?

Raven was still wondering that herself.

It hadn't been her intention to be end up in a place like this, alone, on a Saturday night. Especially when she could have been back at the Tower reading a book or meditating, doing things that actually mattered to her. But Beast Boy just _had _to make that last remark before he and the rest of the Titans went out for the night...

"_C'mon, Raven, come out with us. Get to know Jump City and have a little fun at the same time!" he'd teased lightly. The other Titans, Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire, nodded in agreement, hopeful smiles adorning their excited faces. _

"_No thanks," Raven dismissed bluntly, her eyes glued on the ancient text in her lap. It was nothing personal, she just didn't feel like going out and watching her teammates get wasted. _

_The other Titans began to shuffle out toward the Tower's garage, disappointment obvious on their faces, leaving a dejected Beast Boy to hang back. Raven had only joined the Titans a few months ago, so they were all still in the phase of really getting to know each other. She knew they just wanted to see what she was like on a Saturday night out on the town, and she also knew this was precious team-bonding time she was kind of blowing off, but once Raven had made up her mind about something, it was nearly impossible to change it. _

"_Fine," Beast Boy snapped. "Enjoy another boring night here __**alone**__ with just you and your nasty old books, Raven." _

He'd disappeared out the door after that, leaving her no room for her own sarcastic retort. She'd continued reading for a while once they'd gone and tried to push Beast Boy's somewhat hurtful comment from her mind, but eventually she couldn't ignore what he'd said any longer. Who the hell was he to say that to her, anyway? And what was so bad about her staying in while the rest of them went out?

The craziest thing was, Beast Boy had actually sounded hurt when he'd said that to her, like she was ruining his night by not going out with them or something.

But never mind that.

So that's how she ended up here. In a club. Intoxicated. Alone. On a Saturday night.

Because her stubborn self just _had _to prove to Beast Boy that she could have fun in other ways too, that she wasn't as one-dimensional as he made her out to be. Plus, she really did need to get to know Jump City if she was going to be living here and protecting it.

Not that _this _really counted as "getting to know the city".

Raven giggled senselessly at the thought as she downed the remains of her copper-colored drink. Had she not been so inebriated, she probably would have gagged or made a face at the offensive burning of the bourbon splashing down her throat.

But, as was the case...

She'd switched to bourbon after getting bored with vodka a couple drinks ago, and right about now she was beginning to despise herself for being so reckless with her behavior. Somewhere in the back of her muddled mind, Rational Raven reminded her that this was not her, this was not what she did.

She was definitely stupid, her fogged mind knew that much, at least. Raven of all people should know that drinking alcohol was probably one of the worst things she could do in terms of helping her to control her powers.

Suffice it to say, when Raven got drunk, she was about as contained with her emotions as Starfire. Whatever she felt, she felt it hard.

This was why she hardly drank at all to begin with. Because when someone like her, someone with extremely competent skills of empathy got liquored up, it usually didn't end well. Sure, the buzz was great at first, because that meant the Happy inside her became more emphasized in her personality, which was probably why she was giggling like an imbecile right now for basically no reason.

But, of course, what goes up, must always come down. Alcohol was a downer, so eventually, when Happy had had her fun and was tucked away in bed for the night, Timid and Rage and all those other fun aspects of her personality tended to rear their heads in full force, leaving Raven an emotional mess.

Now that she was already pretty drunk, however, there was really no stopping the chain reaction. All she could do now was try to minimize the casualties and slip home before Happy went away.

But as Raven attempted to stand up from her bar stool, her balance teetered and she had to grip the actual bar surface for support in order to keep herself from falling hard on her face. She couldn't help but laugh stupidly at the whole scenario, and soon other not-so-sober club patrons were joining in on the fun, chortling as they asked her if she was okay. A couple of guys who stank of beer and cigarettes even asked her if she wanted to dance, but Raven declined with a decisive shake of her head, still giggling at her own clumsiness as she began to make her way toward the club exit.

She was almost to the exit when the DJ changed the song. As the heavy techno music pored from the speakers, Raven felt herself practically drawn to the dance floor. This song felt different from the previous ones, or maybe she was actually more drunk than she'd realized. The bass was so hypnotizing it was almost seductive, and with little resistance she soon found herself out on the dark and suffocating dance floor, writhing along to the music with strangers.

Who was she kidding? Happy didn't want to go home, Happy wanted to stay at the club and dance all night like she was in one of those over-glamorized music videos! And given her current state of inebriation, Raven wasn't really in the mindset to turn down any of Happy's whims, anyway.

The song continued to play, and Raven found herself being transported to a dream-like euphoria as she moved along to it. Despite the lack of personal space on the dance floor, she felt so free it was almost scary. It was probably the first and only time she'd ever enjoyed dancing.

She'd been happily dancing by herself when she suddenly felt someone grinding a little closer to her than she'd have liked. The alcohol in her system told her to just ignore them, but Raven nearly jolted when she felt him press up against her from behind.

Offended, she turned around to yell a few choice words at the obnoxious and unwelcome stranger, but her insults soon died on her lips. The club wasn't lit very well to begin with, which had been one of the drawing factors to this particular club in the first place. So Raven wasn't really all that surprised when she could hardly see her offender to begin with.

From what she could tell, he was tall, really tall. Although, since Raven herself was quite short in stature, he could've been tall or just average height. And he smelled like sweat and cheap musk. But he had this smile on his face that she couldn't ignore. It wasn't a friendly smile per se, but it wasn't necessarily psychotic or evil, either. It was more... dangerous? Yes, dangerous, but neither blatantly good or bad. Perhaps if she was sober she would've been able to read him better.

The stranger didn't even attempt to apologize for his lewd behavior, his grin arrogantly displayed as he continued to dance around her, though his movements were now less intrusive and more "come hither". The entrancing song continued to boom on the speakers, and just like that, Happy Raven was dancing with the bewitching stranger.

As they moved together, she made sure to keep reasonable distance between them (she was still Raven, after all). She felt cheesy and predictable for feeling so, but she couldn't keep down the bliss that was surging through her body like a drug. She also couldn't help thinking about Beast Boy, wondering what he'd think about her sudden transformation of character. She wasn't so boring now, was she?

She should've been asking herself why she even cared about Beast Boy's opinion in the first place, but instead she focused on the pulsating lights and music, attempting to drown herself in it as she pretended Beast Boy was her dance partner and not the muscular man behind her. Who was starting to get a little more hands-y than she would've liked.

Subtly, she tried moving away from him a little so he wouldn't have so much access to her. But he soon closed the space between them again, and without any kind of invitation from her, he began to test the waters.

She soon felt his large hands wrapping possessively around her hips, and while a small part of her may have enjoyed the attention and contact (a _very _drunk part of her), the rest of Raven felt claustrophobic and wary. She could tell her buzz was beginning to wane because suddenly this carefree dance was not so carefree anymore.

In fact, she was beginning to feel angry. Mostly at his audacity to touch her like she belonged to him, and the rest toward herself, for even going out and drinking in the first place and having to deal with this kind of bullshit.

She was about to excuse herself from his embrace and disappear back to the safety of the Tower when she abruptly felt his hands drift from her hips to her behind. In a fit of instantaneous outrage, her powers shot from her like a surge of lightning, sending him careening into the wall closest to them. Not enough to fatally hurt him, of course, but just enough to maybe knock him out and teach him a lesson.

She felt a little better, until she noticed the handful of people she'd plowed down in the process. Once she'd made sure they were okay, she looked back up in his direction, expecting to see him in a crumpled heap on the ground.

The man was gone, though.

The music finally changed, and the club patrons continued dancing as if nothing had even happened. Raven was beginning to question her sanity as she looked around the club and still found no sign of the man who had unapologetically groped her. She couldn't even sense him in the vicinity, which was even stranger.

Eventually, however, she chalked it up to her intoxication, and decided to leave before she hurt anyone else. She exited the club into a remote alley, and immediately teleported herself back to the Tower.

In her still-inebriated state, however, she'd teleported into the Tower control room by mistake, instead of her own room. She landed with a thud and cursed, and it wasn't until she tried to stand up that she realized how drunk she still was.

"Whoaaa, where'd you come from?"

Raven froze as his voice registered in her ears, which were still ringing from the club music. With as much composure as she could muster, she used the large couch beside her to climb into a standing position, not even wanting to think about how disheveled she probably looked.

Beast Boy was standing by the kitchen counter, making a late night snack of some kind. He didn't really look like he'd been drinking, but at this point it was kind of hard for her to tell anything, anymore.

He quirked his eyebrows at her expectantly.

"Oh!" she realized a little too loudly. "Umm... nowhere."

She figured the less she said, the better. Though she had to admit, just the sight of him was stirring something deep down inside her, like Happy was coming back for round two. But it wasn't Happy per se...

No, this feeling felt more like hunger, if anything.

Beast Boy chuckled his stupid boyish chuckle. "Really, Raven? Cuz it sure doesn't look that way," he crinkled his nose a little. "Doesn't smell that way either. Damn, Raven what'd you do tonight? You smell like a bottle of Jack."

She could deny it all she wanted, but she knew he wouldn't stop prodding until she spilled, and the alcohol was making it a little difficult for her to keep her mouth shut right now, anyway.

"It's stupid," she slurred as she made her way over to him in a haphazard beeline, nearly falling on him when she got there. "This whole thing was stupid."

Beast Boy eyed her curiously, his lips twitching as he earnestly tried not to laugh at the endearing state Raven was in. A state that he'd probably never catch her in for the rest of his life, which at this point might be cut short considering the current downward spiraling of Raven's emotions.

"What's stupid?" he asked amusedly, blushing as he felt more of her body resting against his for support.

She shook her head gracelessly and inhaled deeply, as if breathing air for the first time in her life. "Nothing. It's fine."

Beast Boy tried to be patient with her. "C'mon, Raven, you can tell me. I promise not to judge or laugh."

Immediately, Timid was up in full force, and Raven felt herself shrink back from him, "That didn't stop you earlier."

He seemed confused at first, until he remembered his hurtful comment from earlier that night. Then he just felt like an asshole.

He'd been upset because he wanted to spend time with Raven outside of the Tower, and going out as a group was the next best thing after a date. And considering he didn't think Raven would be saying yes to a date anytime soon, let alone a date with him, he'd take whatever he could get. The problem was, Raven didn't seem to like going out as much as the rest of them, and although he could understand that to a certain degree, he hadn't appreciated it when she'd dismissed the idea of it so quickly and so thoughtlessly. Which was why he'd reacted like an asshole.

She saw his eyes soften with guilt, and briefly she wondered if she was going to throw up at some point during the night.

There was regret in Beast Boy's voice when he spoke, "Raven, I'm so sor-"

"Shhhh," she interrupted him as she put her hand to his lips. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

He continued to watch her, but he just seemed more worried now than anything.

"It's not important," she continued insistently, though still slurring every single word that came out of her mouth. "What _is _important, is that I am a powerful sorceress-goddess and I both, _both_ mind you, kicked serious ass tonight _and_ had fun."

She really wanted to be serious about all this, but then a tiny giggle escaped her mouth and as Beast Boy's worried expression shifted to astonishment she began to laugh even more. In her spontaneous moment of merriment, she promptly let go of Beast Boy and fell to the ground, which inevitably just made her laugh even harder.

She felt Beast Boy's strong arms lifting her up, her body pressed comfortably against his, and again she could sense that stirring feeling of hunger in her. Oh Azar, he smelled so good. Not like that jackass in the club. No, Beast Boy smelled more like spearmint and Old Spice.

"Okayyyy, Raven, why don't you go to bed, and you can tell me all about it in the morning."

He was babying her. He was babying her and she didn't even care. She was really drunk. The effects and distractions of the club had made her intoxication less obvious to her, but now that she was back at the Tower and seemingly the only intoxicated person in the room, every movement and every sound felt more emphasized, and she wondered how she'd even made it home safely in this state.

The foreign stirring in her abdomen then made her say something very un-Raven like, "Carry me?"

Briefly, very briefly, Beast Boy's eyes seemed to bug out of his head, like the entire idea was preposterous. Then, though a little hesitantly at first, he swooped her up into his arms in one swift motion, and it took all of her willpower not to swoon like some helpless damsel in an old Hollywood film.

She was quiet after that, and even Beast Boy seemed like he had other things occupying his mind as they made their way to the elevator and up to the floor they shared with each other. She considered making a comment about his scent, the very scent she loved so much, but then the smarter part of her told her to shut-up. So she did.

And as they got closer to her room, Raven began to realize how tired she was, and how stifling her leotard was, as well.

As soon as they were inside her room, Beast Boy carefully put her down. When she seemed like she'd found her balance, Raven sauntered clumsily over to her bed, stripping her cloak and leotard off in the process. Which really just left her in her usual boots, along with her not-so-usual lacy black bra and underwear combo.

It was like she'd completely forgotten another person, let alone a _boy_, let alone _**Beast Boy**_, was there in her room with her, and right now all she really cared about was getting out of her somewhat-binding leotard and knocking out for the night.

And hopefully, she'd wake up tomorrow fresh and completely oblivious to all the embarrassment she'd caused herself tonight.

Beast Boy heard a small noise erupt from his throat as his breath caught at the sight of Raven in her... unmentionables. He earnestly tried to look away, but as his primal instincts began to cloud his judgement, he resolved to forcing himself stare at the floor, beet red as Raven nonchalantly continued to kick off her boots and climbed into her bed. Her large bed. With silk sheets and down-pillows.

He had to get out of there right now.

"Uhh, okay, Raven. I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm gonna go now," he stammered. She giggled again and it was all he could do to not clap his hands over his ears to keep the enticing sound from entering. Dammit, she was so beautiful. And witty and smart and a million others things, and he liked her. A lot. But he was better than this, and she deserved better than this.

With a defeated sigh, he began to turn around to make his way out of her room, cursing himself for not being wherever she was tonight.

"Garfield."

He turned around and looked at her, and nearly regretted it. There she was, tucked away in her sheets, the only part of her really visible being her head, though her toned arms poked out as well, and with those, a smidgen of her bra was exposed as well as the soft flesh surrounding the area. Her cheeks were flushed like she'd just run a marathon, and her hair was messy, but not in a gross kind of way. Anyone else looking at this picture might have imagined Raven as a porn-star or some other kind of vulgar character.

But not him. To him, she seemed much more innocent right then. More vulnerable and honest than he'd seen her in a really long time, probably since the day he'd met her when he'd collided with her in that now-distant high school hallway. He swore to himself right then and there that someday he'd take her out on a date. Even if it ended up being a disaster. He just wanted a chance.

He knew she didn't need him. For all intents and purposes, Raven didn't really need anyone; she was such a badass she could take of herself without even breaking a sweat. But he didn't want her to _need _him. That wasn't the Raven he wanted.

He just wanted her to like him. Really like him. Maybe even love him.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves here.

"Yeah, Raven?" he asked her steadily, though his heart seemed to have other ideas as it hammered against his ribcage.

She seemed to consider him for a moment. "I think I'm gonna throw up."

XXXXX

If you felt like the characters were a little OOC in this one, I'm sorry. I really tried to keep them in character, but I also wanted to explore other parts of their personalities that we may only catch a glimpse of from time to time, play with that, and see where it goes. Hopefully it wasn't too much of a disaster.

Don't hate me if this stays as a one-shot, okay? Classes start up again in less than a week so I really don't have the time to do another chaptered story right now... but who knows? If not now, then this summer. I really loved writing this one, so there's hope.

Hope you guys had a lovely holiday break.


	2. Chapter 2

So, if you haven't guessed already, I've decided to make this a chaptered affair rather than just a one-shot. I couldn't resist. And I missed writing something long just for the fun of it.

Enjoy!

XXXXX

When Raven woke up the next morning, the silence enshrouding her in the darkness of her room was unbearable. Her head absolutely felt like it was about the wrench open, and briefly she wondered if she'd fallen and hit her head last night. But before she'd even had enough time to properly ponder the root cause of her condition, something else immediately caught her attention.

Why. Why, why, why, _why_, in the name of Azar, was she only wearing her bra and underwear?

Son of a- had she come home like this?

Heart pounding, she sat up and surveyed her room, at once relieved when she found her clothes and boots strewn about safely on the floor. So, she had come home fully dressed. Now there was just the question of why she'd felt obligated to strip down to her underwear and climb into bed without changing into proper pajamas.

There was also another question lingering in the back of her mind, but she didn't quite want to address it yet, for fear of its definite possibility:

Had anyone else been in the room when she'd perform her inebriated strip-tease?

This was most definitely one of the few questions she'd never thought she'd have to ask herself in the span of her lifetime. It was amazing what one night of debauchery could do to one's regard for themselves.

Raven put her face in her hands and concentrated, really concentrated on what had happened last night.

She knew for sure that she hadn't blacked-out, been drugged, had sex or been assaulted. She'd just been really drunk, and as was usual with the achieving of a certain degree of intoxication, memories the next morning were typically muddled or came back in pieces, like a puzzle. A really frustrating puzzle.

As she focused, she noticed that the later she got into replaying the night, the harder it was for her to access those memories. Probably had something to do with her level of intoxication at the time. The drunker she'd been, the less clear those memories were.

And people actually did this sort of thing regularly? For fun?

In Raven's opinion, there was nothing fun about feeling shut-out from your own memories.

She remembered going to the club, sitting down at the bar, and ordering drinks. She remembered feeling giddy and careless as the alcohol settled into her bloodstream and practically falling off her barstool (and while it had seemed funny then, she was pretty mortified now). As the next set of fogged memories rolled through her mind, though, she felt her brow furrow. She remembered dancing, and she also now recalled dancing with a strange man. Who had practically grabbed her ass. And then disappeared.

Raven felt her heart skip a few more beats as the rest of the night crashed haphazardly through her memory. From what she could tell, she'd had quite the conversation with a certain green teammate last night, and, for whatever reason, she'd asked him to carry her to her room. Judging by her appearance this morning, Azar only knew what had happened after that.

As the faint memory prickled her, she began to feel a little warm, a strange lightness suddenly spreading throughout her body. Whatever had happened last night, her body seemed to be recalling it with quite a bit of fondness.

Feeling weirdly vulnerable, Raven quickly shoved the last of the memories to the back of her mind. She then threw off the covers and stumbled tiredly into the bathroom. As she faced her reflection in the bathroom mirror, she soon found out how completely possible it was for her to regret last night even more.

Complexion-wise, Raven was naturally pretty pale. Practically grey. But a striking sort of grey, one that would force maybe a handful of people to stop what they were doing in order to fully appreciate the hue to its fullest. Most days Raven liked her skin. Other days, not so much; sometimes she thought her life might be a little more manageable if she had skin that glowed warmly like Starfire's.

But this. _This_.

This she did not know how to deal with.

As she analyzed herself rather critically in the large bathroom mirror, Raven really tried to be nice, to be as positive about the situation as possible. But it was hard.

Rather than retain its usual silky, porcelain-like pigment, her skin appeared to have taken on a pasty, washed-out-look; her lips were dry and practically another shade lighter, almost providing the illusion that she had no lips at all. As an added bonus, her breath smelled vaguely of vomit.

The whites surrounding her indigo irises were considerably bloodshot, another glorious side-effect of the alcohol, she presumed. What little make-up she'd worn out last night was smudged in the most ridiculous ways, like she'd been massaging her eyelids in her sleep and then finger-painting all over the rest of her face with it. At this point, anything was possible.

The one silver-lining in the image reflected in the mirror was her hair length. People often told Raven that if she grew her hair out like Starfire, she'd look prettier, or even prettier, whatever. Sometimes, maybe once a month, Raven even considered doing so, just to change it up a little. Mornings like this, though, reminded her exactly why she kept her hair so short and why she even liked it better short.

This morning, her hair was disgusting. It might have looked better last night, she didn't quite remember, but this morning, yeesh. It was pretty tangled, and the texture wasn't any better, either. It was like all the sweat she had accumulated in the club had attached itself to the root of her locks and then embraced each and every strand to make it look like she'd dunked her head in a vat of oil and grease.

Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration.

Nevertheless, her scalp was in desperate need of a thorough washing. In fact, her whole body was, really. But before Raven could do anything, she absolutely needed tea. Anything else was just not an option, right now.

After splashing some cold water on her face, Raven threw on some baggy sweatpants and a cotton t-shirt, silently dreading any run-ins she would probably have with her teammates today. As an afterthought, she grabbed her cloak and fastened that on as well, pulling the hood up so it would cover as much of her hair and face as possible, and then finally gathering the rest of the material around her body so that nobody could see what she looked like at all.

As Raven soundlessly made her way down to the kitchen, she focused some of her power on her headache, breathing deeply as the throbbing decreased until it was almost non-existent. Her memory was still pretty muddled, but at least she wouldn't be so hindered by the pain in her skull anymore. Now she was just grumpy and tired.

It was almost noon, but so far Raven hadn't encountered Robin, Cyborg, Starfire, or Beast Boy. Very suspicious. She'd at least expected them to be waiting outside her bedroom door to blast her with a generous supply of fog horns.

The doors swished open to the control room, and Raven wearily stepped inside, heading straight for the kitchen area. Completely preoccupied with her thoughts, she didn't even notice the amused looks the rest of the Titans were shooting her from the kitchen table.

It was so infuriating, the murkiness of last night's events in her mind. Granted, she remembered mostly everything now, and the rest were steadily coming back to her piece by piece, but she was definitely unaccustomed to this feeling of being seemingly locked out of her own memories.

It was the evasiveness of the little details that were driving her insane. If she was ever going to completely work out in her head what had happened last night, she was going to need all the small details that Sober Raven would have latched on to. If things didn't improve soon, she would have to venture into her meditation mirror for further clarification.

She didn't really want to eat anything solid, as she suspected her stomach had had a rough enough time last night already, and she didn't want to upset it again by stuffing food down her throat too soon. So, being Raven, she settled on just tea.

As she reached around for the elusive tea kettle that had somehow gotten stuffed in the back of the kitchen cabinet, she accidentally bumped a large frying pan, causing it to unceremoniously fall to the floor. As the pan clattered noisily against the surface, Raven grimaced, the loud noise not making her headache or mood any better. It was like a grenade going off in her eardrums.

Right now she kind of wished she meant that in a literal sense.

She found herself wishing for that even more when she finally noticed the annoying snickering behind her. Slowly, very slowly, she turned around to face the mortification that her teammates would shamelessly dump on her for whatever unspeakable things she'd done in her state of drunken stupor.

Oh please. Like they'd never been wasted before?

She exhaled as she faced them, still hiding underneath her cloak. They actually looked pretty exhausted themselves, but she guessed that since this was pretty much her first time being hungover, her situation would seem a lot more comical to them. And Azar knew what crap stories Beast Boy had already fed to them for breakfast to pair nicely with their coffee.

"Good morning, Raven," Robin smirked from his spot at the table. He had no food in front of him, just a steaming mug of something. Probably coffee. Black. "You're certainly up late. Did you sleep well?"

Raven gritted her teeth and flashed them a tight-lipped smile in response, determined not to let them get a rise out of her. She picked up the traitorous frying pan and put it back in the cabinet, then took out the tea kettle and filled it with water. As she was setting it on the stove top, Cyborg decided to have a go at her.

"A little birdie told us you went out last night," he hinted slyly. Raven really liked Cyborg, she did; he was kind of like an older brother to her. But right now she wanted nothing more than to slap that stupid grin right off his face.

She took a deep breath. "Did that bird happen to be a particularly annoying shade of green?" she answered calmly, eyeing the tea kettle in front of her.

Cyborg then let out a low whistle, as if to communicate to Beast Boy, "Wow, you're screwed". Beast Boy gave no indication that he had even heard him, however.

As if immune to the awkwardness now inhibiting the air, Starfire jumped in, "Friend Raven, please, we are all perched painfully atop the numerous pins and needles! You simply must divulge with us the events of last night!"

The other Titans, save for Beast Boy, nodded enthusiastically in agreement, like they were kindergarteners unable to wait any longer for their special treat from the teacher.

Raven groaned under her breath in exasperation. Shortly after that, though, the tea kettle began its routine high-pitched whistling, and she was glad for the excuse to prolong the re-telling of last night even longer. She knew they wouldn't wait forever, though.

As the tea seeped from the bag and into the hot water in her mug, she felt their eager eyes relentlessly watching her. Maybe if she told them a few basic details they'd get bored and leave her alone?

Her lips stubbornly pursed together. Then, "Contrary to whatever dramatizations Beast Boy may have fed you, I can assure you guys that my night was neither stimulating nor exhilarating. Hardly worth talking about at all, in fact."

Raven's dull response was met with a dull and disappointed silence. Cyborg's eyebrow twitched at her in disbelief. "Oh come on, Raven! You don't really expect us to believe that, do you?"

"Yes. I do," she huffed slightly.

"You don't have to be embarrassed, Raven," Robin broached carefully, sensing Raven's discomfort in the situation. "I mean, you've seen how the rest of us can get when we're off the clock."

She knew he was just trying to make her feel better, but it really wasn't helping much. "I appreciate the sentiment, Robin, but there's really nothing to tell."

That was a lie, of course. There was plenty to tell, especially in regards to the strange man she'd encountered last night. But until she'd made better sense of what had happened, she was going to keep the details to herself.

Plus, there was no way in the nine circles of hell she was going to bring up the fact that Beast Boy had carried her to her room last night at her own drunken request. Not to mention he may have possibly seen her in her bra and underwear. Oh, sweet Azar.

Speaking of whom, Beast Boy was acting pretty tight-lipped himself. Whether it was out of fear or something else, she wasn't quite sure. His eyes locked with hers right then, but just as quickly as they'd met, his eyes flicked back down and away. She then noticed that he was blushing, and something in the pit of her stomach told her that Beast Boy knew way more than he was letting on, that he'd witnessed quite a show last night.

Great.

But then, if that was the case, why wasn't he making a big deal about it? Witness to her strip tease or not, Raven knew Beast Boy had definitely seen her drunk last night. So why wasn't he saying anything about it? Why wasn't he poking fun at her ridiculous behavior, something he usually relished in whenever the other Titans had had a little too much to drink? The Beast Boy she was used to lived to make others laugh, and she was certain that practically everything she'd said and done last night was the perfect comedic fodder.

So why the hell was he holding back?

Robin cleared his throat. "Well, I'm glad you at least got to sleep in and relax a little, Raven."

Previous thoughts of Beast Boy dissipated from her mind as Raven tuned in to her leader's resonant voice and nodded a silent thanks. Remembering her disheveled appearance beneath her cloak, Raven finished off the rest of her tea and rinsed out the mug in the kitchen sink. She was heading for the door to the hallway when she heard Robin addressing her once more.

"Remember, we've got group training in a couple hours."

Shit. She'd forgotten about that.

He'd said it casually, as if as an afterthought, but Raven was probably the most perceptive member of the team; she saw right past their leader's feigned indifference.

She stopped and glanced back at her teammates. Each of their faces displayed varying degrees of worry and curiosity. No matter how many times she disputed it, anyone in the room could infer that Raven had had a very interesting night last night. Whether it was a rough night or an exhilarating night, they'd never know for sure, but she knew they were testing her.

How she performed in training today would speak volumes of whatever had happened the night before. If she could just get through training without a single hitch, then maybe the rest of the team would drop the topic for good. If she could just get through _today_, then maybe everything would go back to normal.

Turning away from them once again, she responded dryly, "How could I forget?". The door swished open, then closed behind her.

She didn't even want to think about putting on training clothes until she showered. She knew it was redundant and wasteful to take two showers in one day, but she also felt so unbelievably dirty and gross that she feared touching anything in her room would result in its irreversible tainting.

She jumped in the shower and cranked up the water temperature until it was on the very precipice of scalding her. When she'd finally finished scrubbing every curve and every crevice, she toweled off and made herself change into a clean leotard and cloak. She then scrutinized her reflection in the bathroom mirror again for a good ten minutes, before heading down to the main training room a half hour earlier than the scheduled group training. With any luck, it would be empty and she could at least warm up at her own embarrassingly hungover pace without the pressure of an audience.

As the doors to the spacious indoor gym parted, Raven stepped inside and carefully looked around. Besides her steady breathing and the gentle hum of the air conditioning, it was silent, and seemingly empty, as well. Relieved, she headed over to the sparring mats and began to slowly stretch her muscles.

She painstakingly made her way through each section of her petite body, starting with the neck and arms and eventually sitting down on the padded mats to work out her legs and back. She sighed contentedly with each lean and hold, feeling as though the lactic acid was practically dissolving from her tight muscles with each movement.

The silence was blissful, and as Raven became more focused in her stretches, she began to zone out and eventually closed her eyes. Last night seemed so far away now, it practically felt like a dream (or a nightmare, depending on how you looked at it). The whole thing had been so strange and out of character for her, she felt like her brain was still having trouble processing the fact that it'd even happened, that it was real.

As she leaned forward on the mat to touch her toes, she was so focused on her thoughts that she didn't hear the door open behind her. She also failed to register the sound of someone padding toward her.

"Does that feel good, Raven?"

Raven visibly jumped as Beast Boy's soft breath suddenly tickled her ear. She nearly elbowed him in the jaw as she hastily stood and backed away from him, but she didn't care. Her face was hot, mostly with the embarrassment of being snuck up on, but a part of her also knew it was because of the way he'd whispered that particular phrase into her ear. It was even more embarrassing when she remembered that he'd probably seen her in her bra and underwear the night before.

Beast Boy chuckled merrily at her reaction, the pride he held for getting such a reaction out of her unmistakeable. Raven glared back at him as she waited for her pounding heartbeat to slow. This was certainly a one-eighty from the Beast Boy she'd encountered at breakfast.

At breakfast, he'd seemed so reserved and quiet about the whole situation that she'd immediately assumed that he'd witnessed something the night before. But now here he was, cracking jokes and up to his usual pranks.

And yet, she still couldn't shake the feeling that somehow his lightness felt a little...

...forced.

She decided to push the thought from her mind though as she straightened up. If he wanted to pretend like everything was normal between them, then that was completely fine with her. Maybe he wasn't pretending, maybe everything _was _normal between them because he really hadn't seen anything at all.

Maybe.

"You're lucky my first instinct wasn't to throttle you or banish you to another dimension," she growled, still blushing, and still annoyed as hell that he'd managed to surprise her.

Beast Boy laughed again. "Oh come on, Raven, don't be mad; it was just a joke. And besides, don't even act like you didn't enjoy having the sound of my masculine voice in your ear."

She wasn't quite sure what to make of that comment, or how to reply to it, either. She tried to focus on other things instead, like the black scuffs that pocked the worn, red sparring mats.

"Whatever," she muttered.

Rather than put distance between them and go about his business like a normal person, Beast Boy crept closer to her. In the blink of an eye his disposition had changed drastically: his face was pinched with concern, and his eyes were doing that thing again that she hated, where they inspected her and sifted through her as if she were as clear as running water.

"Raven," his voice was lower now, and there wasn't a stitch of humor in it. "Are you okay? I mean, I know you're pretty hungover considering last night, but is there something else bothering you?"

She felt her face flick up to him instantly, at that. _"Considering last night"_?

"What's that supposed to mean?" she inquired warily, eyes narrowed.

He shrugged nonchalantly, but his eyes were shining with concern. "I just, I dunno...I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"No. No, not that," she amended hastily. "I'm talking about that random 'considering last night' detail you just threw in there."

Beast Boy stared at her like she'd suddenly spawned another head. "Yeah? What about it?" he quickly looked around to make sure they were still alone before fixating his gaze on her once again. "I mean, you were really drunk last night, Raven."

Crap. "I was not," she defended sternly. But she knew it was no use. Beast Boy had definitely seen her drunk last night. The real question now was, how much of her had he seen?

His worried eyes were probing her once again, but at least this time he was smiling a little, albeit crookedly. Though Raven wasn't sure if that was necessarily a good thing.

"Raven, you asked me to _carry you_."

She could practically feel the air leaving her lungs as he said it.

There. It was finally out in the open.

She felt slightly relieved at not having to ignore that part of the issue anymore, but there was still no way she was going to admit to it. Sober/Hungover Raven had way too much pride to do that right now. Admitting that she did it somehow seemed worse than actually doing it.

She coughed awkwardly, then plastered a stony expression on her face. "You're joking, right?"

Beast Boy shook his head. "I'm not."

Raven glued her gaze to the floor again, wishing it would swallow her up.

He stepped closer, and she could feel parts of her body buzzing with anticipation. Stupid body. Stupid Beast Boy. She wanted to chuck a barbell at his head.

"Raven...did you...?"

She looked up at him again as his voice drifted off, and for the first time in this whole bizarre conversation she honestly had no idea what he was talking about. "'Did I' what?" she wanted to know.

Beast Boy's mouth dropped open, but no words came out. He hesitated and looked away from her, shuffling his feet on the mat. For some reason or other, he seemed reluctant to finish his question, like he was pained and embarrassed to be even asking it in the first place. "Raven...did you black-out last night?"

In her shock, Raven unconsciously took a step back. This was definitely not the question she'd been expecting. Her, Raven, black-out from the overconsumption alcohol?

In some cases, it was fairly common for her to black-out or pass out from the overuse of her powers. But for her to lose consciousness over a few too many shots? Perhaps when hell froze over, maybe.

"No. No, of course not. Why would you think that?" she asked.

Beast Boy exhaled, in what seemed partly relief, and partly exasperation. "Then why are you acting so quiet and closed-off?"

"I think you might actually be confusing me with Starfire, Garfield," she rolled her eyes at him. "When have you ever known me to be an open-book about my life?"

"You know what I mean," he said, frowning. "You're even more distant than usual, like you're distracted or something. Why aren't you talking about what happened when you went out last night?"

"Because there's nothing to talk about," she snapped finally, her emotions finally beginning to get the best of her.

"Are you embarrassed about something?" he prodded her. He knew better than to do that.

"Garfield," she warned.

"So what if you went out last night and got drunk? People do that all the time!"

"_Garfield_."

"So what if you asked me to carry you to your room?" his voice cracked halfway through the sentence, and it seemed like he was basically rambling now, more than anything. "It's not that big of a deal! And then so what if-" he abruptly stopped there, as if remembering something crucial about the next part of that sentence.

This was it. The final piece of the puzzle.

She narrowed her eyes up at him. "'And then' what, Garfield?"

His face was glowing red now, and even though this should've been answer enough for her, Raven still felt like she couldn't sleep soundly that night until she'd heard the actual words spill from his own mouth.

Beast Boy's eyes shifted away, his hands scratching absentmindedly at the back of his neck. He was still blushing.

"Nothing," he deflected lamely.

Raven couldn't take it anymore. There was something bubbling deep inside her, something way beyond frustration or impatience. He'd obviously seen something last night, and he was clearly embarrassed that he'd been forced to see it all. She felt her stomach lurch uncomfortably, like someone had dropped a heavy stone down there from the top of her throat.

The more primal, girlish parts of her were despairingly disappointed; a boy had seen her in her bra and it was evident that he hadn't even liked it. She felt humiliated and stupid, both for allowing him to see her like that, and for her reaction to his reaction to what had happened last night. For the first time in her life, she felt like some bimbo in a teen movie. It was quite unsettling.

Her hands fisted into his T-shirt as she slammed him into a wall. "'And then' what,_ Beast Boy_?" she repeated darkly, leaning in so much so that their faces were seemingly inches apart.

A ghost of a smile seemed to play at his lips. Mirth glinted from his green eyes. "You know I don't like it when you use my name like that, Raven."

She knew. That's why she'd used it like that.

As she felt her burst of anger begin to subside, her grip on his shirt loosened a little. There was no use in arguing with him like this right now, especially when the others were expected to arrive at any mome-

"Come on, you two. Save it for training," Robin admonished lightly as he, Cyborg, and Starfire stepped into the training room. From the corner of her eye, Raven could just make out the suppressed grin pulling at Cyborg's mouth, the giddy sparkle glinting from Starfire's impossibly green eyes.

Raven huffed as she dropped the soft material from her hands and swiftly stepped away from Beast Boy, all the while purposely avoiding his gaze in the process.

Right.

On.

Cue.

XXXXX

So, I was thinking I would update this story at least once a month. And to make up for the time constraint, the chapters will end up being longer. Less frequent updates, but longer chapters. That's the plan. Though I'm not really sure how many chapters I plan on writing for this story, yet.

Hope everyone had a good January. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys! So, this chapter took a little longer to post and it was pretty much because I kept putting off the editing process. I'm just not that comfortable writing action scenes yet, I guess I have mixed feelings about this chapter, but hopefully most of you like it.

Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans or anything even remotely related to the Teen Titans.**

XXXXX

Group training. That usually meant one thing for sure: usage of powers strictly prohibited.

It was on days like this that the Titans paired off and sparred with each other. It was the allotted time for each of them to practice their skills with hand-to-hand combat, in case something crazy ever happened that prevented them from using their powers in a fight. Unsurprisingly, Robin seemed to be the only one who really enjoyed this type of training, though one could argue that he had the unfair advantage in this case.

Fighting without powers was nothing new for him, as he liked to remind them every chance he got. For the rest of them, it was a bitter reminder of how dependent they were on their powers sometimes.

As the Titans were gathered around the sparring mats to warm up or stretch, Robin looked each of them over critically, silently deciding who would be sparring who today. Cyborg and Starfire were chatting happily about something they'd witnessed last night when they'd all gone out. Raven wouldn't look at Beast Boy, though she could feel his eyes trained upon her heavily.

"All right," Robin began finally, a strange edge in his voice. "Let's have Cyborg and Starfire pair up today, since Raven and Beast Boy already seem so eager to spar each other."

Raven pursed her lips at the mat below her. Robin's calculated proclamation felt strangely akin to a slap in the face, and she almost wished she was fighting him instead so she could work out some of her vexation. But there was no changing the Boy Wonder's mind; he was probably just as stubborn as she was.

It was then decided that Raven and Beast Boy would go first, so everyone cleared the sparring mats except for the two of them. Surprisingly, Raven wasn't really as nervous about fighting him as much as she was just eager to get it over with.

A couple hours ago, Raven was tired, disoriented, and somewhat sore. She'd been easy fodder for sparring then, and her teammates would've had no trouble finding out how detrimental last night had been for her, both physically and mentally.

But that was a couple hours ago.

Now, though Raven was still pretty tired, she'd had enough time to adapt to her state of weariness and learn to work around it. And, thanks to Beast Boy, their earlier argument had given her a spike of adrenaline. Not only was she now more awake, but she was also pretty pissed, as well. It also helped she was confident in the fact that Beast Boy would underestimate her current hungover state and go easy on her.

Robin's gaze steadily switched back and forth between the two of them. "Ready?"

She felt her knees bend and arms tense as instinct began to take over, her body automatically preparing itself for the fight. Her muscles twitched with excitement, the same way they always did before sparring with a teammate or taking on an actual baddie. She bit her lip as she focused on finding a weakness in Beast Boy's positioning, feeling very much like a lioness ready to pounce on her prey and rip out its jugular.

_Deep breaths_, she reminded herself. _Focus. Don't get caught up in the adrenaline rush._

For someone like Raven, controlling her emotions was really the only way she could win this fight. Sure, she could easily give in to emotions like Rage and sit back as they tore Beast Boy to shreds. But that wasn't really "winning" now, was it?

Control was the key. It was the very thing she'd struggled with for most of her life. In a way, training exercises like this were a way for her to test her control and composure, rather than a focus on her fighting strength. She already knew she was strong, dangerously so, in fact; the real test was whether or not she allowed herself to be consumed by her overwhelming emotions. She'd always suspected that Robin knew this, as well.

She watched as Beast Boy nodded to their leader to signal his readiness, and she soon felt herself mirroring him and nodding, as well. At their cue, Robin stepped off the mat, and the fight was underway.

She dodged his first punch easily, smirking as she felt herself swell with pride. He soon followed up with a hard kick to her stomach, however, and Raven nearly sank to her knees as she struggled to regain the air that had been forced from her lungs.

She hadn't been ready for that. It occurred to her then that Beast Boy would not be going easy on her, after all. Either way it didn't really matter to her; she was going to win this fight and prove to everyone that she was fine.

As Beast Boy lunged for her, she made herself roll to the side and out of his range, the aged sparring mats somewhat grating against her smooth legs. She felt her hand form a fist, and winced a second later when she felt it reach up and slam into something strong and durable. Beast Boy's jaw.

He grunted as her fist connected and backed away, momentarily distracted by the pain. There was no way she'd hit him hard enough to break anything, but she knew there'd be a nice bruise there in a couple hours, nevertheless. Seizing the opportunity, Raven went in for another punch, this time to the nose, but it turned out she had underestimated him, as well. He was ready for her, and in an instant he had both of his large hands wrapped around her forearms, halting her attack.

"Is that the best you can do?" he teased her roughly between breaths. His obvious enjoyment at their brawl was irritating and Raven wanted to scream in frustration.

As she struggled to free herself from his grip, her strong legs kicked out at his. When she finally made contact with one of his shins, his grasp loosened slightly, and she wrenched herself away. Her own hands sought purchase for his arms, aiming to twist them until maybe one of his shoulders dislocated.

The heel of his hand then slammed into her ear, however, and she had to bite her tongue to keep the obscenities from flowing from her mouth like bile. Disoriented, she tumbled backwards, her mind racing to plan her next move as Beast Boy inched closer.

She was still heavy with the emotions of their argument earlier, and no matter how much she tried to push it away, the image of Beast Boy looking disconcerted at the memory of her last night kept asserting itself in the forefront of her mind. Feelings of humiliation, uncanny disappointment, and blinding outrage coursed through her veins, and once again Raven had to remind herself not to let this go too far.

If she lost herself and became visibly upset, the issue would only become more of a headache for her. Robin would demand a private conversation. Starfire would hover and ask for the disclosure of details under the annoying pretense of "girl-talk". Cyborg would pretend everything was fine, but in reality would be watching her more than anyone, like the big brother that he was. And Beast Boy...

Beast Boy would be relentless, either in concern or mock concern. And right now Raven wasn't sure which was worse.

No, it would be far better for her to end this match quickly. Quickly, and without emotion, like this was just any old fight for her. That would shut them all up. Beast Boy was a fairly good hand-to-hand fighter, and it was undeniable how strong he was now that he'd grown into his body. But Raven was tough, as well as ridiculously stubborn, and in that stubbornness she often found how easy it was for her to push herself to new levels of strength and determination.

Her ear was still throbbing as she launched herself at him, successfully dodging yet another one of his kicks in the process. In one swift move that even surprised herself on some level, she turned and elbowed him in the stomach, hard, in order to knock the air out of him and leave him somewhat defenseless. As Beast Boy doubled over in agony, she then elbowed him again, this time in the chest, grimacing slightly when she heard a soft crack erupt from his bones.

She felt her heart pounding as he gasped an obscenity into her ear, and for a moment she felt guilty for being so ruthless. But it was only for a moment.

In order to finish this fight, she had to pin Beast Boy to the ground and hold him there for a good ten seconds. Arguably, this was the part Raven had trouble with the most; she was the shortest member of the team and also the smallest, so if she wanted to pin someone and hold them there, she'd have to really knock them off guard.

Her hands latched onto Beast Boy's shoulders as her knee connected with his groin, a move that reminded her of a particular fight she'd had with him at a certain high school not too long ago. Back then, she'd felt a little guilty for using such a cheap move, a move that had ultimately allowed her to temporarily run away from him and all the responsibilities that came with him.

Because of her web of emotions this morning, however, Raven practically felt no guilt. Rather, she felt fiercely empowered knowing she could physically hurt him so easily and so swiftly, just as he'd thoughtlessly hurt her a few minutes ago in the heat of their argument.

She nearly grinned as his knees buckled beneath him and she vaguely heard Cyborg and Robin groan sympathetically behind her. Beast Boy's hands automatically flew to his groin, his eyes shut tight as his face pinched with pain. For an insane second she thought she heard him chuckle, as if he was replaying the same memory as she. But Raven didn't have time to analyze the situation. She had to move quickly.

Her body pressed against his as she roughly threw all of her weight into him. Beast Boy was inevitably sent slamming to the floor, and she hurried to pin his arms and legs as she straddled him. In the distance, she heard Robin begin his steady countdown from ten, and more adrenaline flooded her body as the promise of victory loomed over her. She could feel her face flushing at the realization of her precarious position, but forced the thought from her mind as Beast Boy began to struggle under her small frame.

"No fair," he groaned wearily.

His eyes were bright and alert, and she could feel his heart hammering adamantly beneath his ribcage. He was still wheezing a little from the previous blow; perspiration glistened from his forehead. The tips of his fingers stabbed into the soft skin of her wrists as he fought to loosen her hold on him and she flushed in embarrassment when she heard herself cry out. He was just as determined as she was.

She inhaled sharply when she felt his foot slamming into the middle of her back, and she nearly let go of him completely.

_No._

As Beast Boy leaned forward in an effort to throw her off of him, her mind focused on the single thought of keeping him down and impulsively, she counter-acted with an aggressive head-butt. Her back and head swam with pain as she watched Beast Boy flop back down onto the mat, a groan escaping his mouth before his eyes slowly fluttered closed. All at once, the tension seemed to leave his body, and Raven knew he was knocked out. The fight was over.

It was quiet in the training room. She could feel everyone's eyes on her as she released Beast Boy's arms and stood, aloof as she fixed the non-existent wrinkles in her leotard. She pretended to carefully examine her injuries, though fully aware that she had none as serious as the ones she'd inflicted on Beast Boy.

"Uhh...nice job, Raven," Robin congratulated her warily. It sounded more like a question than a statement.

Cyborg regarded her as if she'd just puked a grenade. "Yeah. Wayta- wayta totally knock Beast Boy unconscious."

Starfire leaned over Beast Boy carefully. "Please, he will be okay, yes?"

Suddenly, Raven felt like a jerk.

Cyborg gathered up Beast Boy's still-unconscious frame and hauled him up into his arms. He smiled a little. "Yeah, Star, he'll be fine. Probably got a mild concussion, though, among other things. I'm gonna take him to the infirmary and check him out."

Starfire followed Cyborg out of the training room. As the door closed behind them, Raven finally looked up and met Robin's hard gaze. Her heart was still pounding from the struggle of the fight, but she felt eerily calm and composed on the outside.

"I'm going to go shower off," she informed him. She didn't wait for his response as she exited the training room, leaving Robin's head to buzz with about a thousand unanswered questions.

She knew he'd come knocking on her door eventually, probably the second he realized she was done with her shower. But that was one of the best things about Robin: generally, he knew when to bug people and when to back off, and right now he was definitely backing off. Sure, he could be ruthless and impatient when he really needed answers, but no one was perfect. Everyone had their own set of character flaws to deal with.

She took her time in the shower, in no hurry whatsoever to deal with her teammates and their invasive inquiries. When she finished, she threw on a baggy shirt and sweatpants and slumped down in the solace of her bed sheets, not bothering to brush out her tangled, wet hair. She didn't take the time to heal her injuries; if Beast Boy had to deal with a concussion and bone breakage she could most certainly handle bearing a few bruises.

The clothes from last night still polluted the floor of her room. Using her powers, she reached out and swept the tainted clothes up and into a nearby hamper. If she'd had access to an incinerator, she'd more than possibly consider dumping the clothes in there. She hated having loose ends to tie up, and these clothes just felt like a minor, stray thread in the giant frayed mess of a quilt she'd made for herself last night and today.

Turning over on the bed so she was balanced on her stomach, she sighed into her pillow. Why. Why was it so hard for her to just let this stuff go? Why did she care so much about what her new teammates thought?

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she'd been welcomed by these people into their home and into their lives with no questions asked. Maybe it was because she felt like not asking questions had been their mistake, and she knew they didn't really know her story or where she came from or what she was really capable of. Maybe a part of her felt guilty because she liked feeling accepted, liked being someone else for once, someone who wasn't expected to bring ruin to the universe or end millions of lives, yet it wasn't entirely fair for her to feel so since the other Titans had no idea.

Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that this was her first real chance at friendship and family, and she felt like she was screwing it up with instances like last night and today. Maybe it was because she felt like she was deceiving them enough as it was, and this added deception of last night's events was just one more nail in her coffin; that she didn't deserve good friends like these in her life.

She felt a wave of exhaustion hit her, and at once her eyelids grew heavy. Apparently, the fight had taken more out of her than she'd realized.

Ugh. That fight. There was nothing to be proud of for that fight, really. She'd let her emotions have too much sway in her decisions, and as a result, Beast Boy now had a concussion, and Azar knew what else.

A small, guilty smile tugged at her lips. Okay, so maybe she was a little proud of the way she'd handled his ass without any use of her powers. Truthfully, she was really proud of how much her combat discipline had improved since joining the Titans. There were a lot of things the Titans had taught her in the last few months, things that the monks on Azarath could never have taught her. And she was grateful. She was always grateful for this second chance; sometimes it was just hard for her to express it.

She was about to drift off into a restless sleep when she heard a knock at her door. Raven groaned, rolling over. Robin. He had come much sooner than she'd expected.

Slowly, she sat up on her bed and raised an arm, opening the door with a flick of her wrist to reveal her leader and fellow teammate. Given her initial resistance to him in the beginning, it was almost comical how easily she'd fallen into the routine of accepting his judgment and orders since joining the team. Well, most of the time anyway.

She was still Raven after all, and much like the other Titans, she wasn't one to keep her mouth shut and blindly follow someone else's lead without question. Assuredly, though, Robin's leadership wasn't absolute; during her first few weeks in the Tower, it had been drilled into her that the Titans were a team, a collaboration so to speak, and as such, they each had a responsibility to speak up and voice their opinions and concerns to one another other. For the sake of the safety of the city, as well as themselves.

"I'm a little worn out. I was just resting," she told him placidly. She edged off her bed and walked over to him slowly.

Robin watched her carefully. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seem a little..._off_ today."

Well, it didn't take a genius to see that. Raven bit back the instinctive sarcastic retort waiting on her tongue. "Everyone has days like that every now and then," she said.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" he asked finally, brow furrowed. He was a good leader. He checked in on his teammates often and did his best to ensure that no one slipped between the cracks. Though one could argue that he would benefit greatly from doing the same for himself...

"Nope."

Robin shifted his weight from one foot to another. Her evasiveness was making him restless. Sometimes it was fun to watch him transition like this, from practiced patience to an insatiable need for information. The Batman had certainly done a number on him.

"Are you sure?" he tried again.

"Yep."

He exhaled. "Raven, I feel like something's bothering you, and between whatever happened last night and then this afternoon, I don't even know where to begin."

That made two of them. Raven's dark eyes drifted to the grey wall behind his head. She suddenly wished she was wearing her usual armor of leotard, cloak, and boots, not this stupid sweats combo that made her feel too open and relaxed, too vulnerable before her teammate and leader.

"Robin. You should know by now that I am not the most forthcoming member of this team," she reminded him blandly.

"I know, but Rave-"

"I'm not proud of what's happened in the past twenty-four hours. I'm not. But I'm dealing with it, and if I have something vital to share, I know where to find you."

She paused, hoping he'd detect the tone of finality in her voice. Robin's lips were pursed in disapproval; he would never get used to her habitual reticence, her insistence in remaining self-reflective and inwardly withdrawn. They were both a lot alike in this sense; Robin was hardly the first person to start blabbing about his personal life or his emotions. They each had their own reasons for being the way they were, and Robin's impatience made him less amiable in respecting her privacy as much as she did his, but he was trying. And she appreciated that.

"All right," he nodded, though a little defeatedly. "I'll let you rest, then."

He started to walk away from her and back down the hallway toward the elevator. It was then that Raven's eye caught Beast Boy's name on his door a couple rooms down and she remembered.

"Robin."

The Boy Wonder stopped and looked at her. His expression was hopeful, like maybe she'd changed her mind. She hadn't. But she was wondering about something else.

"How's Beast Boy doing?" she wanted to know. She tried her best to hide the edge of concern in her voice.

Strangely enough, Robin smiled. "He's still out, but he's doing well. You should go see him when he wakes up. Maybe even apologize for...well, you know."

Raven said nothing, admitted to nothing. Did she know?

Robin remained fixed in his spot in the hallway. He seemed hesitant about voicing his next thought to her. "That was a nicely executed head-butt, though."

He let his compliment hang in the air for a moment before turning away and disappearing into the elevator, leaving Raven a little slack-jawed at his unexpected words of praise. Today was just full of surprises.

Rather than take a nap, Raven decided to head up to the roof and meditate for an hour or so. She still had a lot of memories and emotions to sort through, but right now, what she really needed was to find an emptiness within herself and put her brain on pause.

She took the elevator to the highest floor and got off, then made her way to the clandestine stairwell that led to the roof. The wind carried the door the rest of the way open as she pushed herself through and stepped out into the sunshine. It was early spring now, and breezy. In a couple months it could be warm enough to dip into the blue ocean water that embraced and roiled against the Tower's rocky shore. The roof was arguably Raven's most favorite spot to meditate.

Her mind drifted as she thought of all the times she'd come up here to get away from everyone and everything, how this view had actually been the first comforting image she'd really found in this city when she'd first come here. All the conversations that had taken place up here, all the decisions that had been made in this spot. She'd felt her first swell of hope up here, hope that she could stay here and make a home, that she could make some real friends. Time and time again, she found herself wandering up here. In good times and bad.

The wind whipped at her stringy, damp locks as she sat down on the very edge of the Tower's roof. Since she could levitate, she'd never been particularly worried about heights or the notion of plummeting to her death. It was a comfort she often took for granted.

She closed her eyes and listened as the white caps rolled across the water. A deep aching filled her insides as the gulls cried out in the distance and reminded her just how little agency she had over her life, especially if her father ever had his way with her.

She had that feeling again, that same claustrophobic feeling she'd had months ago when she'd first come to Jump City and caught Slade's malicious eye; like everything was changing around her and there was nothing she could do to stop it from happening. Like all she could do was breathe and wait for the darkness to lift. Keep her head up, eyes open, and fists poised for battle.

Something was about to happen again. She didn't know what, but she could feel it in the air and in her bones. The world around her was changing again.

With the sun warming her, Raven sighed as she pulled her legs into the lotus position and began to levitate. That was enough thinking for one afternoon. Right now it was time to achieve nothingness.

XXXXX

As per usual, expect the next chapter to be posted by the end of this month-ish. Thanks for reading my work guys! Really appreciate it.


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